Sunday, September 24, 2006

Bittersweet ShayShells

Fall is a bittersweet time for me and I can feel myself shifting. Shifting back into the past, back into myself, back into a certain sadness of loss and change. Fall is when my younger brother died, fall is the start of a new school year, fall is the change from warm to cool, fall is the time the sun starts to show less and less of it self. Fall is decay and rumination, returning to the soil. I feel it every year and it is a collection of past experiences, bodily changes and patterns in the brain. So, I’m working on getting the hang of this new semester, being away more and divided in my time and activities, torn sometimes between the sweetness of home and the newness and challenge of classes. Torn sometimes between the constant needs at home and the lack of time to do artwork. I’m working on my body still, trying different treatments for the hormonal and seasonal changes that took place since I stopped breastfeeding. And I’m working on enjoying the changing season: a drive to the farm for gourds, leeks and apples, a walk to collect the leaves that have fallen, a hike perhaps - these would do me good.


Anonymous said...

Shana, every so often I get a chance to read your blog. This one rings home for me too, and it's funny I've never been able to explain why fall leaves me feeling sad and longing. You had a nice way of expressing those feelings and made me think a little more about mine. I think you and I have many things in common, so thanks for your friendship. Talk to you soon. :) Christi

monpon said...

Thanks Christi! I've been thinking about you (two) a lot recently and looking forward to having you around more!